A Huge Test & a Toy Horse

When I was little, I had an enormous collection of toy animals. Little figurines of horses, dogs, cats, whales...everywhere. I LOVED animals, and I would play with them all day long.

Well...I grew up. The toy animals were boxed and put away. Maybe someday I'll have a little brown-eyed girl who loves animals and won't be able to contain herself when she finds out that she's going to her grandparents' house.

I currently have two of the toy animals in my possession. One of them is a little stuffed dog who goes by the name of Freckles. My sweet godmother gave it to me when I was about 6 or 7 and was sick while on vacation at the lake. He sits on my bookshelf in my room, and every time I look at him I always shoot up a prayer for Aunt Sue and her family.

The second toy animal I have is this horse:

I want to tell you the story of how it came to my possession.

This horse wasn't a part of the collection when I was little. It was actually given to me when I was 17 years old.

It was towards the end of May 2008, and I was due to take the ACT for the second time. I had made a 25, which isn't a bad score, the first time. Statistics showed that if a student takes the ACT a second time, their score will go up a couple points. So, Momma signed me up.

A few weeks before the ACT, one of my very best friends was killed in a tragic accident. When I look back at the hardships I've had to endure, I can definitely say that losing my friend is one of the hardest things I've ever had to travel through. I remember the Saturday of the ACT...I was in a depression. I was sad, angry, confused, and just a little bit lost. Because of my depression, I was definitely NOT in the mood or state to take an enormously long and gruesome test. I remember looking at my mom when she woke me up that morning with tears in my eyes. I remember pleading with her, "Momma...do I have to go?"

Momma wasn't about it. She said, "Come on, Jenny. You can do this. It'll be over before you know it. Then you can come home and rest." She made me get up and go take that test.

About 4 hours later, Momma came and picked me up. We went to the grocery store and made a stop at The Dollar Tree. When I got back into the car, I found this toy horse and a card sitting on my seat. "My Maria" (which is what my mom calls me from time to time, because my first name is Mary) was written on the front of the envelope. I opened up the card, which was beautiful, and on the inside she had written, "I am so proud of you for getting up and taking that test today. I got you this horse. I love you, Mom"

I picked up the horse, and as I was examining it my mom said, "You see how that horse is ducking his head down? I thought that matched this situation so well. Sometimes, life is hard...but you just gotta duck your head down and keep moving."

I had been given a huge test. It wasn't the ACT (although that was pretty big, too). It was the test of my faith and my hope.  I couldn't see in the darkness around me. My faith had yielded to sight. I couldn't control the situation of my friend dying. My hope had yielded to possession. How was I ducking my head and still moving? What was driving me?

I'll tell you what it was. It was love.

The love of my momma. The love of God himself.

When I look at that horse, I think about that situation...but I also think about my Jesus.

At the Mount of Olives, Christ prayed, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup away from me; still, not my will but yours be done." (Luke 22:41)

"Momma...do I have to go?"    

"Just duck your head down, and keep moving."

Out of pure, beautiful love Christ took up his cross, ducked down his head, and kept on moving. All the way to his glorious resurrection.

If you are going through something, and if you feel like your faith and hope aren't anywhere to be found, cling to love. Cling to the love given to you by your family and friends. But most importantly, cling to the love of the Lord. Then do as He did: Duck your head down and keep moving.

When I was a child, I used to talk as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I put aside childish things. At present we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. At present I know partially; then I shall know fully, as I am fully known.

  So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:11-13

Peace be with you :o) 

p.s. I got my ACT results a couple weeks later....I made a 27 :) 

Go-carts and Sheep

"So he told them this parable: 'What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one which is lost, until he finds it? And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, "Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost." Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.'" Luke 15:3-7 

When my sisters and I were little, we had a little go-cart. It was a single seater, and it was the most amazing thing ever. My sisters and I would spend hours and hours and gallons and gallons of gas driving that go-cart around our circle drive.  One time we were having a family reunion. I was 6 or 7 years old, and my little sister, Kari, was 4 or 5. Since Kari was so small, she had never had the chance to drive the go-cart by herself. She always sat in someone's lap and "helped" drive.

Well, on the second day of the reunion, we were all out in front taking turns driving the go-cart. Kari stepped out and announced that she wanted to drive it by herself. Hesitant at first, my parents decided that they would let her. So my dad went and sat Kari in the seat, showed her which pedal made it go and which pedal made it stop, and then he said, "Now, Kari, when you get up to that curve, you just turn the wheel this way. I'll be up there telling you which way to go. Okay?" Kari shook her head vigorously. She was ready for the ride of her life.

Beyond the first curve was a terrace. In order to protect the cotton from the wind, my dad and grandpa had planted wheat on each terrace.  The wheat was probably between 3 and 4 feet high.

Everyone got their cameras out. Dad went to the other side of the first curve. My uncle started up the go-cart. It was go time. Kari slammed on the gas, and she was off. As she approached the first curve, you could see Dad starting to motion to her to start turning the wheel...but she didn't turn the wheel. Kari kept on going straight. Next thing you knew, Kari and the go-cart were disappearing into the wheat on the terrace. They were gone. Next thing you heard was Mom scream and a collective gasp from everyone else. Dad immediately ran into the wheat. Next thing you knew, he was emerging with Kari in his arms, fragments of wheat sticking out of her hair and tears streaming down her face.

A few days later, we were sitting at the bar in the kitchen. Kari and I were eating, and all of a sudden she slammed her hands down on the counter. My mom was startled and asked, "What is it, Kari? What's wrong?"  My little sister looked up at my mom with wide eyes and said, "Momma! I just forgot to turn!!"



As I think about these two stories, the selection from Luke and the infamous "Kari and the go-cart" story, I think about something they have in common: Getting lost.

Have you ever been a lost sheep? I know that I have. Have you ever forgotten to turn and ended up lost in the great wilderness of wheat? I definitely have.

As I think about these two stories, I think about the common theme of getting lost, but I also think of another thing they have in common: Being found.

Maybe you're a little lost right now. Maybe something has happened, and you can't quite understand it. Maybe you are heartbroken, and you don't know where to turn. Maybe you are so caught up in guilt and shame that you don't know if you'll ever see the Light again. Maybe you've strayed off from the herd. Maybe you've forgotten to turn.

You know what's wonderful? God meets us where we're at. We get lost, and He comes to find us. We forget to turn, and he comes and rescues us from the scary wilderness of wheat. And he is SO happy when we allow him to do so. No questioning. No reprimanding. Just pure love. He pursues us relentlessly. He loves us that much.

When his sheep are lost, he goes to find them. He is the good shepherd, and he lays down his life for his sheep. (John 10:11)

Even when he's on the other side of the curve, showing us when to turn, he doesn't get mad when we don't. He runs and finds us. Daddy comes to pick us up.

I am in awe of that love. I am in awe as I try to type about it. Unending love. Amazing grace, my friends.



May that love wrap you up at this very moment. If you're lost, let him find you. Let him meet you where you're at.

Peace be with you :o)

Oh...and just for smiles...here's a picture of Dad holding Kari. That's probably about the age Kari was when the go-cart incident happened. :) 

You are My Valentine :)

Ahhh, Valentine's Day.

The flowers, enormous stuffed animals, explosions of red, pink, and white, sentimental cards, chocolate...

This is my first time being single on Valentine's Day in over 3 years. Now, I know many of us call today "Single Awareness Day" and I know that some of us make an argument that this holiday is "stupid because it discriminates against singles everywhere." I'm not going to lie...I had that mentality yesterday...But I have found a reason to celebrate.

Actually...I've found two reasons to celebrate.
(1) There will most likely be chocolate on sale tomorrow, and you better believe I'll be hitting that up.

(2) (...and this is the more important reason) I found out something today.

The meaning of Saint Valentine's name is "strength".

As I've thought about this today, I've forgotten about the fact that I'm single, and I have been able to celebrate this day just as much as all you lovebirds out there. Yes, I haven't received flowers or candy or an enormous stuffed animal. I won't be going to a romantic dinner followed by cuddling with my significant other. But I have my "valentine". As a matter of fact, I have more than one valentine.

I'll be going to dinner with my beautiful momma tonight. She's my valentine.
I received a text from a very good friend of mine this morning. He's my valentine.
I just gave my daddy a hug. He's my valentine.
I'll be hanging out with some very good friends tonight. They are my valentine.
My two gorgeous sisters. They are my valentine.

I'll also be going to adore Christ in the Blessed Sacrament tonight. My main valentine.

All of these "valentines", they are my strength. My loving strength. They bring joy, peace, and grace to my soul. They strengthen me to push forward on my path to holiness.

That's definitely something to celebrate :)


So...whether you are single or taken; Whether you are happy or gloomy today; Take a moment and reflect on this question: Who is my valentine today? Then go tell them. Don't ask them to be your valentine. Tell them that they are.

....and, I mean...you should probably explain after you make such a statement. If you don't want to sound like a creeper...


And you know what? I'm willing to bet that you're someone's valentine...someone's loving strength.
Because you are awesome. You are unique, precious, and unrepeatable. You are loveable and beautiful.

Happy Valentine's Day, and peace be with you :o)

Kari's Posters

One thing that comes with having a sister is going into her room, laying on her bed or on her floor, and just hanging out. I do this all the time. I get bored, and I go across the hall into Kari's room. Her room is WAY cooler than mine. She has all kinds of vinyl records bordering the room. She has blue walls. She's started a mural of song lyrics on one of those walls. And she has a TON of posters. There's this one poster that I always find myself just staring at. It's tacked up onto her ceiling, and it says, "In a world where you can be anything...be yourself."

I'll tell you...one of the biggest things I have trouble with is being myself.
Now...that doesn't mean that I'm never myself, because I usually am. What I have a problem with is that I fear that I will be rejected by others when I am myself. I can't tell you how many times I've been my crazy, zany self and have had people give me weird looks from across the room. I can't tell you how many people have come up to me after getting to know me and have said something along the lines of, "Jenny, I just want to apologize to you. When I first met you, I was like, 'Dang! This chick is weird,' or, 'Dang! She's annoying...' I'm sorry I judged you so quickly." Then, I'll smile and look at them and say, "Oh, it's okay! There's nothing to forgive! I do that all the time." Then we might embrace...then I'll say something awkward or stupid to lighten the mood up.

I have to be honest with you, though...on a bad day, that kind of situation will bother me. Most of the time I just brush it off, praise God for the deepening of another relationship, and go about my way...but on bad days? It's like the devil creeps into the situation. After someone gives me a weird look or gives me the "I'm sorry I misjudged you" spill, it's like Satan crawls up my back, sits on my shoulder, and whispers in my ear. He'll say, "See that? You're a loser. Quit being so weird. Just tone it down a little bit. How can you ever expect to meet a guy and him like you if you act that way? No one likes you. Just stop it." Sometimes, I thump him off my shoulder and tell him to shove off. Other times, I believe every single deceitful thing he says. I'll choose to try to be different. I'll choose to deliberately lose sight of exactly who God created me to be. I fall beneath the weight of the wood of my cross.

Now, I'm not sharing this so you can feel sorry for me. It's not like that all the time. I know people who love my crazy personality. I have so many people around me, within my ACTS Community, my CSA Community, my family, my friends, who love me so much just the way I am. I've met people who have liked me from the very get-go. Just a couple weekends ago, I made some new friends in Canyon, Texas. I don't think I've ever met a group of people more accepting and open to outsiders. So, big shout out to my friends in Canyon America :) You are all so beautiful!

...sorry about that digression. I also wanted to say that if you're reading this and we've had the "I'm sorry I misjudged you" talk, I'm totally not calling you out. To be honest, I don't really remember all the people whom I've had that conversation with. I'm pretty sure that's a beautiful grace from God.

The message of this post is this: One of the most important things you can do in this life is to BE YOURSELF.

As I sit here and think about my past failings and things I've once regretted, all of them have one thing in common: Within every single situation, I wasn't myself. I chose to be someone different. I chose to deliberately lose sight of exactly who God created me to be. I fell beneath the weight of the wood of my cross.

"In a world where you can be anything...be yourself." 

Here's the deal...
It isn't about us being who we want to be.
It's about us being who we're CALLED to be.
We are called specifically by God to grow in Him. We are called to build up the Kingdom on Earth. He created each of us for a specific purpose. When we choose to truly be ourselves, the children who God himself, the author of perfection, knitted in our mothers' wombs (Psalm 139:13), a little more of God's purpose and Holy Will unfold. A little more of the Kingdom is built up; Someone else may be inspired to truly be themselves, too.

Although it's kinda tough for me, I strive to be who God created me to be. I strive to continue to let him mold and shape me in the way he intends. And, you know what? I totally accept myself for who I am. I accept the fact that I'm nuts sometimes. I accept that I'm hyper, like, 75% of the time. I know I am beautifully created like no one else. I know there's a guy out there who will absolutely LOVE who I am without reservations. I may find myself crushed under the weight of Satan's lies sometimes, but I know the Lord will come and lift me up so that I may be on my way again...whether it be through prayer, other people, or a simple sunset reminding me that everything he creates is beautiful. I love myself, and today I choose to be myself.

I know I want to be many different things, but I understand that it's about who I'm called to be. As I travel farther on down the road, though, I realize that who I'm called to be and what I truly want are the exact same thing. That's just how God works. He knows exactly who we desire to be. :)

So...take a look at yourself. How good are you at being yourself? If you struggle like me, you should know first that you aren't alone. There are tons of us out there. Secondly, you should know that you are wonderfully created. You are the way you are for a beautiful reason. The One who created you, the almighty and ever living God, is delighted at every instance in which you choose to be yourself. He loves you exactly the way you are.You are unique, precious, and unrepeatable. Trust in that.

"You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother's womb. I praise you, so wonderfully you made me; wonderful are your works!...How precious to me are your designs, O God; how vast the sum of them! Were I to count, they would outnumber the sands; to finish, I would need eternity."  - Psalm 139:13-14 & 17-18

Peace be with you :o) 

Sometimes, I feel like a bug...

So, there are going to be some posts that some of you may have already read. Over the last couple of years, I have written various reflections ranging from relating Spongebob Squarepants to our faith to breaking down the Litany of Humility, and I have already shared them. This post is going to be one of those posts, but it’s evolved since I last wrote it. So…here goes!

I look around at the world we live in, and I see so much devastation. As I write this…er, type this…I think about the Columbine shootings. I think about the Aurora, Colorado shooting. The Virginia Tech shooting. The LA street riots and police brutality. I think about those sweet, precious children being killed in Connecticut. I think about the thousands of sweet, precious babies who are aborted every single day. And, if you live in the Lubbock area, you’ve probably recently heard about an alleged murder of a little two year old by her caregiver.

Such sadness. It’s no wonder that hatred exists in this world. Can you imagine being the mother or the father of that little girl who was found buried in a backyard? Can you imagine how much anger you would hold against the people responsible for the death of her?

I’d like to tell you a story…

When I was a sophomore in college, I was still attending South Plains College in Levelland. Every single day I’d make the drive to and from Levelland from the Maeker house. Not gonna lie….kinda got a little old. Anyway…one day, after a very long day of class, I got in my car and hit 114 to go to Lubbock. As I was stopped at a red light, I noticed a little winged bug on my driver-side window. I thumped the glass to try to get it to fly off. It didn’t. I thought, “Well, once I’m driving, like, 50 miles an hour, he’ll definitely be flying away.”

Well…about 5 miles down the road, the Silver Bullet (my ’92 Ford Tempo), was traveling at 70 miles an hour…and that bug was still hanging on to that window. I was impressed. Then I got annoyed. Why didn’t that bug just let go?? The wind and the speed of the car were beating the crap out of him. Then I felt bad for him. Yes, I felt bad for a tiny little bug. All I thought was, “You poor guy. If you would just let go of the window…if you would just let go and use the wings God gave you, you could simply fly away. You wouldn’t have the crap continuing to get beat out of you, and you would be free and happy.”

I like to think that we’re a lot like that bug sometimes.

Things happen in our life.  Things that break our heart. Things that we can't believe. Things that rock us to the very core of our being and who we are.  People hurt us, and we hurt others.  Things happen that we don't necessarily understand and will never understand, and we hang on to them.  We cling to them for dear life, but as we cling to whatever it is that causes brokenness within our life, it beats the crap out of us.  It beats us physically, emotionally, and, most importantly, spiritually.  Just like that little bug getting beat by the wind whipping around my car. 

If we would just let go and trust that God will give us wings to fly and not crash and burn, life would be so much easier. More joyful. Just….better. 

The neat thing is that God has already given us wings to fly. He gives us the gift of faith. He gives us His infinite love. He gives us the Church. He gives us his very self crucified on the cross. He gives us each other. Those, my friends, are the things which help us to let go. They give us wings so we won’t crash and burn after letting go.

The message of this post is this: Forgiveness.

I have been wronged so much in my life. I have had guys break my heart, and there have been times that I’ve chosen to harbor hatred or anger towards them. Let me tell you, that choice to cling to the hurt that they caused me sucked so much out of my life. It’s like in that song, “Forgiveness” by Matthew West. There’s one line towards the end of the song that says that the one who forgiveness frees is YOU.

I’ve also withheld forgiveness from myself.  I’m human, and I’ve done dumb things.  There have been moments in which I have totally lost sight of who I am and who I am called to strive to become.  Many times, I choose to hold on to my failings and not forgive myself. That sucks the life out of me, too.  But here’s what I’ve discovered through some personal reflection: The Lord chooses to forgive me almost instantly. Even if I don’t say, “I’m sorry,” after I do something stupid, He still patiently and lovingly waits for me to run back to Him. He is pure perfection, and he still wants to forgive me. If I don’t forgive myself, it’s like I’m taking a huge poo on His forgiveness and His unfailing love.

So why is there so much hatred in this world? I honestly think part of the reason is because we choose not to forgive. We choose to hang on to the wrongdoings of others. We choose to hang on to the wrongdoings that we commit ourselves.

When I think about all those people who have committed such horrible acts like the shooting in Connecticut or the woman who killed a two year old baby, I always think of what C.S. Lewis said, “Being a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable in others because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”  We must always love. It must be the absolute first thing we choose to do.

So as we close this reflection up, take a moment and look inside yourself. Are you like that little bug today? What are you holding on to? How is it affecting your life?

Now…stop. Stop letting it rule your life. Stop letting it rule your decisions. Stop letting it beat you up and suck the life out of you. Just let it go. Forgive him. Forgive her. Forgive them. Forgive yourself. Let it go and fly. Even if you let go and feel like you’ve fallen, you will have fallen into the greatest place ever: The arms of Christ.  Let it go.

“Therefore, putting away falsehood, speak the truth, each one to his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun set on your anger, and do not leave room for the devil…And be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ.” – Ephesians 4:25-27 & 32

Peace be with you :o)

And so it begins...

I have been telling myself for almost 3 years now, "I'm going to start a blog." Well, here it is. I like to think that I'm pretty clever for making a play on my last name, Maeker, and the word "maker".  Get it?? :)

I guess this first blog is going to be a telling of the kinds of things I will be posting.
This is what I'm shooting for: I want this blog to serve as a means of sharing the journey to my spouse...whoever that may be...and I'll also be sharing some spiritual reflection.

Warning: Some days, I feel quirky, sassy, and a little bit zany. Other days I feel like being calm and reflect...ful?
...is that a word? I don't think so. I'll probably also create new words. Jenny-isms. Anyway...hopefully the Spirit will work and the days on which I feel really silly-crazy will be days on which you need an uplifting. That Spirit basically knows what he's doing...so I have no worries :)

So, if you haven't met me, my name is Jenny. I am getting ready to graduate with a Bachelor of Science in Community, Family, and Addiction Services. I have a passion for ministering to others. So that's what's leading me on the crazy road to the real world after graduation. My dream is to be a youth minister for a while, then work for Life Teen or NET or Steubenville Conferences or something, then write a book. I also really hope I'm a mom someday. I'd like to take on the challenge of raising one or two or seven or twelve saints. I am a hopeless romantic. I'm all about the mushy gushy things of love. I absolutely love hearing how couples met and fell in love. I know that if I'm called to marriage, I will be ridiculously in love with my husband FOR-EV-ER. I think I get that from my daddy...he's, like, totally crazy about my mom.

That being said, I am totally, completely, insanely, without a doubt in love with my Jesus. He and I have been on quite the journey so far...no worries, you'll hear bits and pieces of it if you read any more postings after this one. I have failed him so many times...in small ways and in big ways. But he always pursues me. Hmmm....my heart is getting all warm typing about it :)

Talking about my daddy and then talking about Jesus makes me think about the title of this blog. I am the daughter of Andy Handyman Maeker (pronounced just like "maker"). In his family he's the only boy, and he had three daughters. So the Maeker name won't be carried on after him. So, my sisters and I kind of take a little pride in the fact that our last name is Maeker. I'm also a daddy's girl. Now, don't get me wrong, my mom and I have a very special and close relationship. I love her so much...but I've always been kind of a daddy's girl. I like to go to the farm with him and do tomboy things. I like to sit and have a beer with him after a long week. I seriously enjoy spending time with him and sharing wisdom and laughter with him.  I am the proud daughter of a Maeker.

Now, when we talk about THE Maker, our incredible God, I'm also a daddy's girl. In every sense of the term. I seriously enjoy spending time with my father in heaven. I am the proud, although definitely unworthy, daughter of THE Maker. I hope that some of you women reading this will be inspired to become more of a daddy's girl.




So...there it is. Here it is. The beginning of my blog. Take a moment today and reflect on how you identify yourself. What are some distinct characteristics of your heart, soul, mind, etc.? What makes you who you are? I'm a daddy's girl. Straight up. Real talk. That's something I always say when I'm telling someone things about myself.

What about you, though? Who are you? I'll tell you one thing...You are a beautiful, intricately designed creation of God. The guy who created the vast universe and this beautiful planet created you. The author of perfection created you. Take ownership of that today. Be the proud daddy's girl or daddy's boy.


I hope you come back when I post my next entry. I hope you choose to walk with me. And I sincerely hope that God's grace and abundant peace wraps your heart up at this very moment.

Peace be with you :o)