Kari's Posters

One thing that comes with having a sister is going into her room, laying on her bed or on her floor, and just hanging out. I do this all the time. I get bored, and I go across the hall into Kari's room. Her room is WAY cooler than mine. She has all kinds of vinyl records bordering the room. She has blue walls. She's started a mural of song lyrics on one of those walls. And she has a TON of posters. There's this one poster that I always find myself just staring at. It's tacked up onto her ceiling, and it says, "In a world where you can be anything...be yourself."

I'll tell you...one of the biggest things I have trouble with is being myself.
Now...that doesn't mean that I'm never myself, because I usually am. What I have a problem with is that I fear that I will be rejected by others when I am myself. I can't tell you how many times I've been my crazy, zany self and have had people give me weird looks from across the room. I can't tell you how many people have come up to me after getting to know me and have said something along the lines of, "Jenny, I just want to apologize to you. When I first met you, I was like, 'Dang! This chick is weird,' or, 'Dang! She's annoying...' I'm sorry I judged you so quickly." Then, I'll smile and look at them and say, "Oh, it's okay! There's nothing to forgive! I do that all the time." Then we might embrace...then I'll say something awkward or stupid to lighten the mood up.

I have to be honest with you, though...on a bad day, that kind of situation will bother me. Most of the time I just brush it off, praise God for the deepening of another relationship, and go about my way...but on bad days? It's like the devil creeps into the situation. After someone gives me a weird look or gives me the "I'm sorry I misjudged you" spill, it's like Satan crawls up my back, sits on my shoulder, and whispers in my ear. He'll say, "See that? You're a loser. Quit being so weird. Just tone it down a little bit. How can you ever expect to meet a guy and him like you if you act that way? No one likes you. Just stop it." Sometimes, I thump him off my shoulder and tell him to shove off. Other times, I believe every single deceitful thing he says. I'll choose to try to be different. I'll choose to deliberately lose sight of exactly who God created me to be. I fall beneath the weight of the wood of my cross.

Now, I'm not sharing this so you can feel sorry for me. It's not like that all the time. I know people who love my crazy personality. I have so many people around me, within my ACTS Community, my CSA Community, my family, my friends, who love me so much just the way I am. I've met people who have liked me from the very get-go. Just a couple weekends ago, I made some new friends in Canyon, Texas. I don't think I've ever met a group of people more accepting and open to outsiders. So, big shout out to my friends in Canyon America :) You are all so beautiful!

...sorry about that digression. I also wanted to say that if you're reading this and we've had the "I'm sorry I misjudged you" talk, I'm totally not calling you out. To be honest, I don't really remember all the people whom I've had that conversation with. I'm pretty sure that's a beautiful grace from God.

The message of this post is this: One of the most important things you can do in this life is to BE YOURSELF.

As I sit here and think about my past failings and things I've once regretted, all of them have one thing in common: Within every single situation, I wasn't myself. I chose to be someone different. I chose to deliberately lose sight of exactly who God created me to be. I fell beneath the weight of the wood of my cross.

"In a world where you can be anything...be yourself." 

Here's the deal...
It isn't about us being who we want to be.
It's about us being who we're CALLED to be.
We are called specifically by God to grow in Him. We are called to build up the Kingdom on Earth. He created each of us for a specific purpose. When we choose to truly be ourselves, the children who God himself, the author of perfection, knitted in our mothers' wombs (Psalm 139:13), a little more of God's purpose and Holy Will unfold. A little more of the Kingdom is built up; Someone else may be inspired to truly be themselves, too.

Although it's kinda tough for me, I strive to be who God created me to be. I strive to continue to let him mold and shape me in the way he intends. And, you know what? I totally accept myself for who I am. I accept the fact that I'm nuts sometimes. I accept that I'm hyper, like, 75% of the time. I know I am beautifully created like no one else. I know there's a guy out there who will absolutely LOVE who I am without reservations. I may find myself crushed under the weight of Satan's lies sometimes, but I know the Lord will come and lift me up so that I may be on my way again...whether it be through prayer, other people, or a simple sunset reminding me that everything he creates is beautiful. I love myself, and today I choose to be myself.

I know I want to be many different things, but I understand that it's about who I'm called to be. As I travel farther on down the road, though, I realize that who I'm called to be and what I truly want are the exact same thing. That's just how God works. He knows exactly who we desire to be. :)

So...take a look at yourself. How good are you at being yourself? If you struggle like me, you should know first that you aren't alone. There are tons of us out there. Secondly, you should know that you are wonderfully created. You are the way you are for a beautiful reason. The One who created you, the almighty and ever living God, is delighted at every instance in which you choose to be yourself. He loves you exactly the way you are.You are unique, precious, and unrepeatable. Trust in that.

"You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother's womb. I praise you, so wonderfully you made me; wonderful are your works!...How precious to me are your designs, O God; how vast the sum of them! Were I to count, they would outnumber the sands; to finish, I would need eternity."  - Psalm 139:13-14 & 17-18

Peace be with you :o)